What does one do when they discover they have a disorder they have never even heard of? I suffer from Trichotillomania. It started about three years ago after I got let go from the post office. I was a temporary employee and excelled as a Central Forwarding Service Clerk in Washington State. I loved making good money and enjoyed working alongside my co-workers and friends. I actually felt like I belonged somewhere for once and it felt good. It’s a feeling that I hadn’t had much growing up since my father was in the U.S. Military most of my life and we moved around from state to state and to different countries. About three or so months after I got let go I noticed I would touch my hair as I watched t.v. and I couldn’t stop myself. If I found a hair that felt course or different from the others, my brain told me that it must be pulled out immedietly and so I did. Well, I kept finding more and more of these ” different hairs”, until half of my hair was gone. I usually hide in my bedroom and lock the door when I am feeling like I have to take my wig off and pull. I have a large window in my bedroom, so when I take off my wig I duck down and walk around my room incase one of the neighbors might see me. I have a physical feeling that I have to pull my hair or I’m not going to be able to breathe. I know this is unrealistic and crazy but I cannot seem to stop myself. The whole time I am pulling my hair out I am saying to myself ” Stop this, do you want to be ugly forever?’ or I think to myself ” just don’t do it, this isn’t worth it! you don’t want to do it.” The whole time pulling it out. I feel like my mind and my body are not cooperating with each other and it’s very frustrating. I even pull out my wig hair while I’m driving, while in the grocery store in line, sitting on the toilet or any other situation I’m in. I am afraid to go to behavioral therapy in fear that they won’t be able to help me. I know that there is no cure for this disorder and that just makes my anxiety about it worse.
2 Comments
July 28, 2009 at 3:00 AM
hi there I saw you posted recently. I have trichotillomania and I wanted to meet people who share the same problem, if you’re willing to talk please just comment me back or email me at thehybridrainbows@gmail.
thank you, it’d really mean a lot to me.
Maria
August 6, 2009 at 5:56 AM
Hi there. It’s nice to meet you. I actually developed this disorder about three years ago. I had only heard about it and thought that people who pulled their hair out were weird until it happened to me. Now I know I’m weird lol:} yeah it really sucks but recently I’ve started going to church and I feel a lot better about myself. I know someday I won’t pull I just need professional help for this. Take care and write soon!
-del